Rick's Heartache
by purplangel
Summary: A different, *Alternate ending to Always.* For my hubby who wishes that Rick would have had the nerve to tell Kate to take a flying leap for the hell she put him through during season 4 and kicked her out the front door instead of mauling her against it, lol... but I couldn't quite make it that angsty/dramatic.
1. Chapter 1

**Story starts in 'Always' after the emotional scene in Kate's apartment. **

**XXXXX**

_God dammit,_ Rick shut Kate's apartment door forcefully behind him.

_It was over._ _**Over**_**.**

He ran a shaky hand through his hair and quickly hurried to Kate's elevator to get out of the building. He had to get away from her. He had to put as much distance between them as possible.

His heart couldn't take any more abuse.

He'd just told Katherine Beckett that he loved her… And her response? Absolutely nothing, not a God damn thing out of her sultry mouth… No shocked expression; no happiness in her eyes; no feeling from her whatsoever. Her body didn't even move. She stood staring at him with straight shoulders and a blank expression on her face, mouth slightly ajar in disbelief, … not in shock or astonishment, … just plain disbelief that he'd finally had the courage to tell her to her face that he loved her.

It sickened him to think that when he first walked into her apartment she had reminded him of an angel. A lovely, ethereal angel with a heart of gold in a white, button-down blouse, wavy, light-brown hair and rosy cheeks… An angel who had the power to crush his soul. He laughed cynically. Who would've thought that she'd end up being a destroying one?

_I'm such a fool._

He took a deep breath and tried to calm his frazzled nerves. He didn't even realize the elevator had reached the ground floor until someone walked into the box and stared at him quizzically. "You getting off, son?" The elderly, hunched man asked him.

"Yes, - sorry," came his hasty reply and he nodded to the older gentleman as he stepped off the elevator.

_We're done, _he thought once more in anguish. He couldn't handle the roller coaster of emotions she brought into his life. His heart couldn't take being stomped on one more time by her sexy-as-hell, four inch heels.

As he walked out of her apartment complex into the overcast afternoon, Rick thought how befitting it was that a storm was approaching; a storm to match his own inner turmoil.

Sitting in the back seat of the cab, he couldn't help replaying the scene over and over again in his mind.

After confessing his love to her and looking at her dumbstruck expression, Rick knew she wouldn't say anything to his declaration, so he tried to express some of his own pain.

"But you already know that I love you, don't you? … You've known for about a year."

He'd never forget the wounded expression on her face when he tried to turn the tables back on her with that question, trying to make her feel some remorse for being the cause of his unbearable suffering these past two months due to her lie.

But it only fueled her righteous anger. She started spouting off about him betraying her; asking how he could have withheld from her vital information about her mother's case, and now, how was she supposed to trust anything he said?

It cut him to the core. How in the world could Kate think that he had betrayed her when all he had ever done was try to keep her safe? How could she have said that she couldn't trust anything that came out of his mouth? Did he really mean that little to her?

_After all that we've been through… I've been here this whole time… Four years just waiting, dreaming for a chance with her, and for what? A few lingering glances, occasionally a meaningful touch, or an entrancing smile?_

He hated himself for being led-on by her flirty banter, her dazzling smile and lilting laughter. He hated himself for being a succor to her charms.

Castle couldn't believe he trusted her when she said therapy was helping and causing that damn wall of hers to start crumbling down... It just wasn't going to happen for them and the sooner he faced the facts, the better off he'd be.

He felt a freezing frost crackle in his veins as he remembered, "I love you Kate and if that means anything to you, if you care about me at all, just don't do this."

Her cold eyes and frustrated tone sliced completely through him, shaking him. "If I care for you at all, Castle?"

The spike on her heel took one last shot to his heart.

"You cut a deal for my life as if I was some kind of child. It's my life. Mine… You don't get to decide."

"They're going to come for you, Kate."

"Let them come. I am ready… If they want a war, then I will bring them a war, … straight to their doorstep."

There was never any question about the lengths she would go to to solve her mother's case. They both knew she was obsessed with finding justice. So why would asking her to stop looking into Johanna's murder because he loved her make a difference? It wouldn't. He never had a chance in hell of changing her mind, and he was a fool for believing otherwise.

It hurt more than he thought imaginable hearing the words come out of her mouth that confirmed what he'd always known to be true… She didn't care enough about him… She would always choose Johanna over him... He would never come first in her life.

"Well, I guess there's just nothing I can say is there?" He said in defeat… "Yeah Kate, you're right. It's your life. You can throw it away if you want, but I'm not going to stick around and watch you. So, this is, uh, over… I'm done."

His heart broke as he realized that the agony he felt these last two months was justifiable. She didn't tell him she heard him that day in the cemetery because she didn't love him and by her words and actions today, Rick knew she never would.

**…..**

Thank God for Alexis. She gave him purpose. She made him happy. He was grateful to have her graduation to attend tonight so he could hopefully lose himself in his daughter's accomplishment, bask in her joy and happiness… And hopefully, tonight, if he was lucky, he'd start the process of purging Katherine Beckett out of his heart. _Forever._

**…..**

He didn't think a father could ever be prouder of their child. His heart swelled with pride at Alexis's remarkable speech… Unfortunately though, it further tore at his heart strings with how poetic it was concerning his relationship with Kate. "Endings are inevitable. You close the book. You say goodbye. Today is one of those days for us. We're moving on. But just because we're leaving, (and that hurts) there are some people who are so much a part of us, that they will be with us no matter what."

Kate Beckett was no longer his solid ground, his north star. His 'always' with her was now shattered, and he determined to get over her at any cost.

**...**

As he talked to Alexis on the phone later that night, he reassured her that he would be fine. He encouraged her to have fun and let her know that he wouldn't worry about her until lunchtime tomorrow.

_I will; I really will be fine… I will get past this, I will get over her. _

When he saw Kate's incoming call on his cell phone he immediately hit the ignore button. He didn't want to hear what she might have to say...

And as Rick dragged Kate's picture on his smart board into the trash bin, he hoped it was the beginning to deleting her permanently out of his life, his heart and soul.

He took a deep breath and swallowed heavily just as there was a knock at the door.

_Who would've tackled the raging storm this late at night? _

He flung open the door and was shocked to see a very wet Kate Beckett looking at him with sorrowful eyes.

_God,_ she was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on even looking thoroughly exhausted and half-drowned due to the storm outside. His face hardened and he spoke rigidly, "Beckett, what do you want?" He did not want to talk to her right now. His wounds were still fresh, too raw from their earlier encounter, but courtesy prevented him from slamming the door in her face.

He was blown away by her reply.

"You."

Her delicate hands were suddenly on his cheeks before he even realized what was happening and then, _shit,_ her soft lips were pressed urgently against his. He could barely think straight as her mouth moved suggestively over his. Kate drew slightly away from him to rest her cold forehead against his and breathed in deeply before saying, "I'm so sorry, Castle… I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry." She repeated as if it was a healing mantra. She leaned in with flushed cheeks and wanton eyes to kiss him again.

Rick grabbed her forearms to stop her progression as he needed the space to think. He briefly wondered how in the world she could still smell like cherries with her hair wet from the rain.

"What happened?" He asked firmly, unable to hide the skepticism in his voice as he wondered about the real reason she'd actually shown up on his doorstep.

"He got away, and I didn't care." Her quiet voice burned with truth and her eyes silently begged him to believe her as a lone tear streaked down her cheek.

"I almost died and all I could think about was you." Her intense hazel eyes bore into his soul before they dropped to look hungrily at his lips. She whispered breathily, "I just want you."

Kate's mouth opened sensuously as she leaned in about to devour him, but she stopped at the indecision on his face, at the haunted look in his eyes. Her fingers rose to stroke softly the side of his cheek, meant to reassure, but surprisingly, it had the opposite effect.

Her hopes were dashed as his eyes darkened in anger and she realized she didn't say or do the right thing.

Rick scoffed and shoved her away from him, needing distance from her alluring mouth, addicting scent and mesmerizing eyes.

"You just want - me?" He spat; the derision in his voice sent a lightning bolt of fear striking through her body.

"That's a joke, Ka - ... Beckett," and it stung when she realized he'd purposefully chosen not to call her by her given name.

"Don't insult my intelligence. You could've had me at any time in the past 4 years… You don't want me." His face curled in regret. "The only thing you truly care about is solving your mom's murder."

"Castle, please listen," she pleaded; her heart rate skyrocketed as she realized the importance of finding the right words to make him believe her. "I won't deny that a huge part of my life has been focused on finding closure for my mother, but that doesn't diminish the fact that I **care** about you, - **deeply**." Her eyes searched for his but he refused to look at her. "I regret the way I treated you earlier… I know you, Rick. I –" she paused and reached out to grab his hand but he quickly shirked away from her as if offended by her touch. "I know that you were only trying to protect me by keeping Mr. Smith a secret. I shouldn't have ever said that I couldn't trust you." She bit down on her lip nervously. "I'm so sorry. I do trust you, … **implicitly.** Please forgive me."

Rick's jaw clenched; his hands balled into tight fists as his sides. "I wish it was as simple as forgiveness," he ground out with hollow eyes. "Too much has happened between us for me to just brush off your earlier callousness." He looked shaken as he gazed into her watery eyes. "Now is not the time to discuss this. Go home, Beckett." He said with finality. "Go home and change your clothes. You need to get warm, eat something and get some sleep. You look like you're ready to collapse."

She smiled softly at his concern. Even though he was understandably upset by her earlier actions, he was still worried about her, wanting her to take care of herself.

"No," she said firmly in her detective tone which brooked no argument. "I won't leave until you've heard everything I've come to say."

"You don't understand," he said bitterly, anger rising to the surface, coursing through his bloodstream. "I don't want you here. You're not welcome."

Kate flinched at his response, knowing full well that he was telling the truth. Right now, she was not welcome in his home and her heart felt bruised with the weight of that knowledge.

_God, help me to fix this._

He turned his back to her and started walking towards the kitchen.

"Leave, Beckett."

She ignored his command.

Kate's earlier hope knowing he was still concerned about her turned to underlying panic. There was no way in hell that she was going to let him throw her out. She was not going to let him wallow in self pity and pain that she had caused.

"I had an epiphany this afternoon," she said tentatively while following him into the kitchen. "I was fighting Maddox on the rooftop of the hotel, seriously getting my ass kicked… He knocked me down to my knees and," she took a deep breath, "I'm ashamed to say, I practically begged him to tell me who was behind my mom's murder." She hesitated, wondering if he was listening to her or only tolerating her presence.

She watched as he opened up a cabinet above the refrigerator. She couldn't help but admire the way his maroon dress shirt stretched taut over his broad shoulders and muscular back as he reached up into the cupboard to remove an expensive bottle of brandy. She licked her dry lips as his round, firm ass was perfectly displayed a couple of feet in front of her.

_I'd hoped to be ravishing him right now, not begging him for understanding. I can't mess this up._

"Castle?"

He turned to her with the brandy in one hand and 2 shot glasses in the other. "I badly need a drink." He set the glasses down on the island and popped the cork.

He said dryly, "Alexis would be ashamed if I didn't act the proper host and offer you one." His eyebrow quirked, asking without words if she'd like a drink as well.

Kate sat down on a barstool and shook her head, 'no'. She noticeably shivered, and it wasn't just from being soaked from the rain that brought on the chill.

He poured brandy into both glasses and systematically gulped one, then the other, in less than a minute, … not caring what she thought about him at the moment.

He needed the invigorating burn to start making him forget… Forget her heavenly smell, her wide, beautiful eyes, … make him forget her tempting, model body that was sitting right in front of him, shivering.

_Dammit, _he didn't want her here where it would be so easy to fall into temptation, so easy to just lean over the island and snatch those alluring lips of hers and lose himself within their warm depths. He knew he'd only be setting his heart up for further torment if he believed her excuses, believed she could ever care for him more than just a friend, a partner.

"You should have a drink to ward off the chill. It will help you to warm up."

"No, thank you."

He really should offer her some dry clothes to change into, but in his current state of mind, he couldn't handle thinking about her undressing that sinfully, sexy body in the next room.

_Fuck_, she sure had done a number on him. _Well, no more._

He poured a third glass of liquor and Kate put her hand over the top of the other glass to prevent him from pouring a fourth. He scowled at her.

"Please give me your undivided attention, Castle, and then I'll leave… I promise that I'll leave you alone after you hear me out."

He downed the third glass and stared at her with frozen, unforgiving eyes. It was at that point she grasped the full meaning of how much pain she'd caused him. How he'd walked out of her apartment earlier today a broken man fully believing that she didn't care about him.

_What have I done?_

"So did you get the answers you were looking for from Maddox_?" _His grip tightened around the scotch glass and it wouldn't have surprised Kate in the least if it shattered.

"No. He mocked me by saying that I was wasting my time, that I had no idea who I was up against… I tried one last time to take him down, only to be thrown off the rooftop like I weighed nothing more than a rag doll."

Castle's eyes flashed with empathy as he pictured her hanging with her fingertips from the rooftop.

"As I hung there for dear life, there was only one person I thought of." Her eyes never wavered from his as her voice slid dangerously low, trying to draw him in, trying to communicate with him on an emotional level. "Only one person who I wanted to be there by my side… Only one person I called out for, and that was – **you**."

She tried to convey through her voice what that revelation meant to her, tried to convey through her eyes that she now chose him over anything else in her life, … over her mother's case, over her career.

"I called your name over and over again, thinking that this couldn't possibly be the end. I had to see you one more time to tell you how I felt… I had to be with you again." Another tear escaped from her eye and Kate hastily brushed it away from her cheek. "I wanted to live for you, Castle."

His expression clearly said that he was leery about believing her, but he asked meekly, "Who saved you?"

"Ryan… Ryan went behind mine and Espo's back and told Gates about the investigation… They arrived just in time… Ryan grabbed my wrist just as my hands slipped. I would have fallen to my death if it hadn't been for Kevin."

Rick was clearly shaken by her statement. He paced the small kitchen area while his thoughts ran rampant. His hand scraped through his scalp.

She longed to reach out and smooth his tousled hair back into place but knew he wouldn't allow it. Things were just too shaky between them right now.

"Castle," she said sincerely, "Nearly dying today showed me how I truly feel about you." She nervously wrung her hands together. "I'd do anything to go back in time to change how I reacted to you today. Please forgive me. Give me a chance to prove that I only want you." She chewed on the inside of her cheek due to the uncertainty she was feeling. "Please believe me when I say I need you in every aspect of my life."

Rick was completely still, deadly quiet.

She looked at his squared shoulders and stiff body posture and knew before anything came out of his mouth what he'd decided. Fresh tears welled up in her eyes.

Before he could speak, she choked out, "I want a chance at **us**, Rick. Please… **Let me prove it to you**." She got off from the stool and gingerly approached him.

His glare softened but his face still bore the anguish of her earlier betrayal. "Stop Kate. Don't touch me." He backed away from her so she wasn't within touching distance. He didn't think his resolve would last if he felt her fingertips anywhere on his body.

"I'm so grateful you're alive, ... truly grateful. I'm thankful as well that Ryan had the guts to go against you and Espo and involve Gates." He looked at her with smoky, anguished eyes. "But I need time, Beckett. I need time to process what you've told me… I need time to forgive." His voice begged her to understand what he was going through. "I need time to find hope for us again."

She looked like an adorable, lost puppy with her wet, straggly hair and sorrowful hazel eyes. He knew it had taken great courage for her to come to his place tonight and bear her feelings… He knew that he'd hurt her with his truthful responses, but his heart was too fragile right now and needed time to heal.

She squeaked out, "I understand… Will you answer your phone if I call tomorrow?"

"Don't call; text me."

She nodded and slowly traipsed out of his kitchen towards the door.

"Rick?"

"Yes?"

She turned to him fully before saying, "I hope that what I'm about to say proves to you that I'm now ready to put my mother's case behind me and make you, **make us**, my top priority."

He smirked as he honestly didn't think she could say anything that would make him believe that that would ever be the case.

"I quit the force tonight and turned in my badge. I'm no longer a detective." She looked at him longingly, … then turned and disappeared through the door, shutting it firmly behind her.

And with that, Rick Castle slumped to the floor, held his head in his hands and fought back the tears; … for his muse had just told him the one and only thing to make him believe in her again, believe in them.


	2. Chapter 2

Kate had a very restless night. She tossed and turned until 4:11 am when she finally decided to take some pain pills and have a glass of wine to try and relax. She started a hot bath before texting Castle: **Can't sleep. R U awake? **

She waited for a couple of minutes for a response, but to no avail. She sincerely hoped it was because he was sound asleep and not just ignoring her text. Hopefully he was resting peacefully and not out cold due to a drunken stupor.

_God, I've made such a mess of things._

She pulled out her copy of Heat Rises, needing to feel close to Castle, wanting to be surrounded by his words. Kate pulled off her tank top and sweats to gradually descend into the heated bubbles. She visibly relaxed as the hot water cascaded over her bruised knees and strained back. Maddox had certainly done some damage to her body. Her ribs ached and she could still feel the imprints of his fingers around her neck. She leaned back and closed her eyes momentarily.

He filled her vision… Castle… Sandy, thick hair, piercing blue eyes, hawk-like nose, pronounced chin, full, soft lips.

She sighed. If things had gone the way she hoped last evening, Rick would be with her right now, … whispering sweet nothings into her ear and sharing this intimate moment with her.

Kate pictured him kneeling behind her, leaning over the back of her claw-foot tub, his bare chest curling into her back, his lips hot and heavy at her ear.

"Would you like me to wash you here?" and his large hand grabbed the washcloth and dipped it into the bubbles, making it slightly wet before he traipsed the rag up her forearm, over the crook of her elbow and up to her collar bone where his lips replaced the rag and lightly brushed across the protruding bone.

His voice, deep and desperate, sent tingles racing along her spine. "Or would you prefer me to wash you - - here?" and his hand lifted the wet tendrils at the nape of her neck to stroke her upper shoulders and back before sensuously moving forwards to her delicate throat where his lips landed possessively on the hollow of her throat, sucking and nipping until she writhed in passion.

"Or should I wash you where I really want to?" and Kate bit her lip as his hand descended daringly between her breasts to teasingly administer to her scar, brushing erotically over the sides of her perky mounds.

_Jesus, Kate._

She opened her eyes to bring herself back to reality and grabbed the book to try and lose herself in Nikki and Jameson's story.

**XXXXX**

Rick woke up with a doozy of a hangover. He groaned as the sunlight shimmered through the blinds and struck his eyelids. One eye grudgingly opened to take a look at his bedside clock: 9:19 am.

_Uggh_. He felt terrible. He'd fallen into bed around 2:30 am after consuming the rest of the Pere Magloire brandy. His mouth was dry from the amount of alcohol he consumed. His head throbbed to the cadence of Aerosmith's, "Walk This Way." He rolled over groggily and pushed himself out of bed. He stumbled to the medicine cabinet in his bathroom and pulled out 4 Bayer aspirin and swigged them down with tap water; then he reached for the shower handle and turned the faucet to scalding hot.

His cell phone jingled to signify an incoming text.

_Kate_.

He instinctively knew it was from her. He hated how his heart immediately skyrocketed at the prospect of hearing from her… He wished he could erase her from his mind for a day and find some inner peace, but that was an impossible feat.

_The heart wants what the heart wants_.

And God help him, he wanted her, … in every single aspect of his life.

He picked up his Iphone and noticed 2 earlier missed texts. He glanced at those messages first. 4:11 am, Kate sent: **Can't sleep. R U awake?** He felt a twinge of guilt knowing he'd contributed to her anxiety and inability to sleep.

Another text came in from Alexis around 8:30 am saying that Grams was picking her up and bringing her home early from the graduation party.

Rick smiled, wondering why she was cutting short the celebration.

He then read Kate's latest text: **I meant everything I said last night. I'm ready for us. Plz call.**

He threw the phone on the bed and stripped off his boxers.

He stepped into the large ceramic-tile shower and winced as the scalding water burned his skin. He didn't turn it down though, reveling in the physical pain it caused, as it gave him a brief respite from his emotional pain.

He leaned forwards under the spray and put both hands against the shower wall.

Memories from last night flooded his mind:

Kate looking hot-as-hell soaked to the skin in a black leather jacket and skinny jeans- wet, silken strands of hair clinging to her flushed cheeks… Kate grabbing his face with her slender fingers and pressing her lips against his.

Rick moaned as he could still feel the sensation of her luscious lips pressed urgently against his. His groin tightened remembering the way she fit perfectly against him.

He reached for his shampoo and began cleaning his hair.

He couldn't help picturing Kate's surprised expression as he forcefully stopped the kiss and asked her, "What happened?"

After telling him that Maddox got away and she didn't care, he'd finally heard the words he'd been longing to hear for 4 damn, long years… Those powerful words that had kicked him in the gut. "I just want you."

But his heart refused to believe her, … from past experience, how could he?

The scent of sweet cherries seemed to infiltrate the shower stall as he remembered Kate leaning in and opening her erotic mouth to kiss him again.

And how had he responded? … He pushed her away.

Castle groaned. He was still struggling with everything she had told him last night and the fact that she had turned in her badge.

Kate's face was now burned in his memory; … full of sorrow and longing, as she told him that she quit the force. Her lower lip had trembled, and her eyes burned bright from the truth of her words. She had certainly insinuated that she quit for him, for them, - to finally give them a chance, … but did she truly mean it or was it something done in the heat of the moment?

Did her actions mean what he hoped?… Was Katherine Beckett choosing him over Johanna's case? Would he finally come first in her life? Would she truly let him love her the way she deserved?

Or, (and his stomach clenched in fear) did she only show up on his doorstep last night because of her near-death experience with Maddox? Were her feelings clouded due to that crisis?

_God dammit, she has me tied up in knots._

Rick heard his mother and daughter enter the loft. He shut off the water and began to dry himself with a towel. Right now his top priority needed to be Alexis, so he shoved the beautiful detective with the heartbroken eyes out of his mind.

_I need time._

_**XXXXX**_

Someone rapped on Kate's door just before 9:45 am. Her heart soared.

_Castle. _

_It has to be him. He read my texts and decided to come over right away instead of call._

She opened the door with a flourish and her face fell as she looked into Ryan's blue eyes, wishing with all her heart that it was another pair of baby blues she was looking into right now.

"I need to talk to you about the case." Kevin strode in confidently into Kate's apartment looking dapper in his gray suit and striped tie.

"Ryan, no." She said firmly. "I've resigned. I'm done." Kate's eyes pleaded with him for understanding… She just couldn't go down that path again when it had caused Castle as well as herself such suffering.

"I hope this isn't because of Gates or because of what I did?" He asked anxiously, already hurting due to the rift he'd caused between Espo and himself, hoping he hadn't also caused an irreparable one with Beckett as well.

"No, no look. I get it. You were just trying to keep us safe."

"I still am, and this guy who threw you off the roof, he's still out there."

Kate looked pensive as she thought about Ryan's words.

"I know what this case has done to you." He said sincerely with sympathy. "I'm not trying to ask you to jump back in. I just want to show you something. That's all."

He took out a copy of an old photograph which showed a white man, early 30's, dark hair in a brown suit at a wedding celebration.

"I found a copy of the missing photo Maddox took from Montgomery's wedding album. You're familiar with the guys who ran back with Roy in the day… Is he one of them?"

"No, I've never seen him before." Kate noticeably exhaled and said, "You may want to ask Castle."

"Castle?"

"Yeah." She nibbled her lower lip. She found it difficult to tell Ryan about the catalyst that had driven Rick away.

"Before Montgomery's death he mailed a package to a friend, a Mr. Smith, who was trying to keep me safe from the Dragon. Castle's been in communication with Mr. Smith since my shooting."

If Ryan was surprised by the news, he didn't show it. "Well, let's head over to his place together then and speak with him… We've got to act quickly as this lead is just too important to let slide." He suddenly noticed Kate's crestfallen expression and watery eyes.

"Beckett?... What's wrong?"

She moved away from him and sat down on the leather couch, looking unsure of herself.

"Castle and I are **not** in a good place right now, Ryan… I told you yesterday that he was off the team, and I know for a **fact **that he doesn't want to see me."

Ryan looked contemplatively at her and realized there were bags under her eyes as well as smudged mascara. Obviously, she'd been crying last night and had had difficulty sleeping.

God, he felt terrible not realizing what state she was in when he first barged into her place. Kate was like an older sister and he couldn't stand to see her hurting this way.

He sat down on the couch next to her and asked, "Is there anything I can do?"

She shook her head.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No… It's all my fault though so please don't blame Castle."

"Look, I know it's none of my business, Beckett, but I do know Castle. He would do anything for you… He'll get over whatever happened between you two and be back to pulling your pigtails in no time."

She half-smiled. "I wish it were that simple, Ryan… I really do. I messed up big time and I'm not sure if things will ever be the same between us."

Kevin looked thoughtful. "Beckett, Maddox is still out there which means your life is in danger. I'm positive that Castle would want to know about this newest development. He would do anything in his power to make sure you're safe." He reached out his hand to Kate. "Come on, Boss. I'm not giving you a choice. You're coming with me." He squeezed her hand reassuringly as he pulled her off the couch with him. "We're going to talk to that pig-headed partner of yours."


	3. Chapter 3

Martha opened the front door to a flustered Detective Ryan.

"Mrs R, is Castle in?" He asked politely.

She laughed merrily. "Call me Martha, dear. Any friend of my sons is a friend of mine." She ushered him inside. "Come in, come in, Detective Ryan… Richard is just whipping up some horrible concoction supposed to cure hangovers." She leaned into him and winked conspiratorially, "Both he and Alexis partied way too hard last night."

Ryan could hear the buzzing of the blender as he turned into the kitchen area. Castle stuffed a pickle into the blender and then added tofu as well. He turned off the machine as soon as he noticed Kevin.

"Hi Castle."

Rick grinned in greeting but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Hey Ryan. What brings you to my humble abode?"

Ryan immediately noticed his blood-shot eyes. _When the hell are those two stubborn partners going to get their act together and finally admit how they feel about one another? _

"I'm here concerning a case." He glanced cautiously at Martha.

"Well, that's my cue to leave then." Martha said with a flourish. "Ryan, tell that lovely wife of yours that you two have an open invitation for dinner anytime you'd like… You're always welcome here."

"Why, thank you. She'll be very happy to hear that."

"I'll just go check in on Alexis and see how she's doing." She turned dramatically and swooped up the stairs.

Kevin watched her walk up the stairway before turning to Rick. "I could really use your insight on this case as both Beckett and Esposito have been suspended from the force."

Castle hesitated before answering. "I don't know if I'm the right guy to ask, Ryan… Did Beckett let you know that I'm out of the game? … I'm done… I'm no longer shadowing her."

Ryan could tell by the tone of Rick's voice that he was hurting just as much as Beckett.

"She said yesterday that you were off the team, but of course I didn't think it was permanent." He tried to tread lightly. "Look Castle, I don't know what happened between you two and I don't need to know, but you have to understand that Maddox is still out there." He gazed into Rick's hung-over eyes. "He's most likely still coming after Beckett and I need your help to stop him."

Rick took a deep breath. "Have you talked to Beckett about this?"

"Yes," he nodded. "I just came from her place. I tried to convince her to come with me to speak with you but she refused, saying she had quit the force and was trying to put her mother's case behind her... She also said she needed to respect your wishes and give you some space."

Rick's eyes widened and a look of 'hope' crossed his face. He couldn't help asking, "How's she doing this morning?"

"How's she doing, Castle?" Kevin's voice rose in anger. "Do you really want me to answer that question? … Her partner of four years suddenly deserted her in the hour she needed him most and from the looks of things she also believes she lost her best friend in the process." He glared at Rick before saying, "I think it's accurate to say that she's as miserable as you are."

"God dammit, Ryan, you don't have the right to judge me. You don't know the whole story."

"No, I don't…" He paused and then lowered his tone apologetically. "I apologize… You know that Beckett is like an older sister to me and I hate to see her this way."

Rick nodded in understanding.

"Let me make it perfectly clear that she takes full responsibility for the rift between you two… She takes 100% of the blame, but I know you, Castle… I know you both." He looked intensely at him before continuing. "You care too much about her to throw away your partnership without giving her the chance to make amends. She deserves a chance."

Castle gritted his teeth. "You can't expect me to stand by and watch her implode, Ryan. I refuse to watch her continually chase the dragon and make herself a target. She's willing to die for her mother's case… I can't bear to witness it. I already lived through that hell last summer. I won't do it again."

Ryan glanced at him with brotherly affection. "Castle, then help me stop Maddox before he gets the chance to try and kill her again." He pulled the old wedding photo out and handed it to him. "This is the guy we believe Maddox is after."

Castle's eyes lit up in recognition. "This is the man I told Kate about… The one who's been keeping her safe."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, he's older now, but it's definitely him… Whatever information Montgomery gave to him he's been using it to protect Kate, - - but now," Rick's eyes darkened with worry, "they've sent Maddox to hunt him down and get it back."

"This guy whom Maddox is looking for, he's the key. We find him, we find Montgomery's file."

"Which could lead to who's behind this whole thing, … including Johanna's murder." Rick continued gravely, "And if we don't get to Mr. Smith before Maddox does, Kate will never be safe again."

Ryan confirmed his deepest fear. "Yes, it looks that way… In all the times you talked with him did he ever give you his real name?"

"No. - He only told me to call him Mr. Smith."

"Did he tell you where he worked? Where he lived?"

"No, nothing like that... Umm… " Castle's voice raised in excitement. "He did call my cell phone though 2 nights ago, but it came from a blocked number. "

"I'll run the phone number and see if I can trace where the call came from." Kevin got the number from Castle's cell and then turned to leave.

"Hey Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"Please call me when you have **any** information concerning either Smith or Maddox."

"Sure thing, but I need you to do me a favor." Kevin walked to the kitchen island, and slid Smith's photo across the counter. "Take this with you and go to Beckett's apartment. I need both your sharp minds working together on this one. You may locate Smith before I do."

And before Rick could refuse, Ryan was out the door and was closing it shut behind him.

XXXXX

Just before noon, several knocks at Kate's door interrupted her preparing lunch.

"Ryan, you've found something already?" and she opened the door to stare directly into probing blue eyes which she hadn't planned on seeing again so soon. "Cas –stlle," she stuttered, obviously surprised to see him. "Come in." She gestured for him to come inside.

"I take it Ryan stopped by your place?"

"Yes, and even though I told you I was done, Beckett, - - " He ran a hand over his tired eyes, "I just can't leave knowing Maddox is still out there and most likely won't stop until you're – you're dead." It didn't matter what his personal feelings for Kate were at the moment; his top priority had to be her safety.

He looked at her with his heart in his eyes. How she wished that she wasn't the cause of the pain she saw in their depths.

"Well, I'm glad you're here." She smiled adoringly at him and grabbed his hand. He squeezed it briefly before letting it drop. Kate was grateful that he didn't immediately recoil from her touch. "I was just preparing a bite to eat. Are you hungry?"

At his nod, she said, "Come into the kitchen and help me finish making lunch."

_He sure does look good this morning in his black Levi jeans and navy-blue button-down shirt. _And when he walked by her, she got a whiff of his expensive cologne._ God, he smells divine._

"I hope my early-morning text didn't wake you." Kate said while slathering miracle whip onto a slice of wheat bread.

"No, it didn't. I was out."

"How'd you sleep?"

He grinned grudgingly. "About as well as you."

The blood flowed south when Rick noticed the black lace bra she was wearing beneath her see-through, gray top. His fingers itched to feel the lace to see if it was as delicate as it looked. His lips longed to trace a path along the edge of the lace, marking the new territory as his own. He picked up a cheese slice and started unwrapping it to give his fingers something to do.

T_his was a bad idea to see her again so soon._

"Ham okay?"

"Sure."

They stood side by side, occasionally bumping shoulders, while making the sandwiches. Kate couldn't help thinking how domestic it all seemed. Her heart ached for it to be real.

"Castle," she said a little breathlessly after removing an oriental salad from her fridge. "Are we – " she cleared her throat, looking at him beseechingly. "Are we okay?"

Her beautiful face filled with apprehension as she awaited his response. Her uncertainty tore at his heart strings.

God, it was just so sweet that she was worried about him, … about them.

He felt the strongest urge to wipe that pouty mouth of hers with his own and kiss away the hurt and doubt from her face.

_The heart wants what the heart wants._

"We'll be okay, Beckett." He gave her a reassuring smile before grabbing their plates and heading to the kitchen table.

But his answer did nothing to calm the apprehension Kate felt right then. 'We'll be okay' hinted that in the future they'd be alright, but for now?

She grabbed water bottles out of her fridge and brought them to the table with her.

Rick waited for her to sit down before he took a bite of his ham sandwich. As she tasted the oriental salad, she couldn't tear her eyes away from his mouth. Even while eating, his lips fascinated her. They were large, full, manly lips…. Her mind immediately jumped to their undercover kiss over a year ago. His lips, - warm, sensuous, and demanding, - fit perfectly against her own… She longed to prove that they'd fit perfectly on other parts of her body as well.

She flushed and looked away when he caught her staring at his mouth.

"Beckett, don't." He said with a slight tremor in his voice.

Their eyes met and all of the contention from the night before seemed to fade away, and in its place, electricity shimmered between them.

Kate felt an overwhelming urge to brutally kiss him... His eyes, his mouth, the curve of his cheek, his stubbled jaw, his prominent Adam's apple. She wanted to fill her mouth with the taste of his skin.

But first, she knew she had to make things right between them.

"Rick, I'm so sorry for yesterday." Her eyes suddenly filled with tears. "I'll never forgive myself if I've hurt our relationship permanently."

Every part of Rick was crying out to reassure her, to make her feel better. God, he was kidding himself for ever thinking that he could get over her. Kate Beckett was the owner of his heart and always would be. There was no denying it. There would never be another woman for him. She held the key to his happiness.

He stared deeply into her hazel, moist eyes, filled with truth... Compassion for her suddenly ran molten through his veins, consuming him, overwhelming him.

He couldn't help brushing a curly strand of hair away from her face before saying, "Kate, you know how I feel about you. Even though I said I was through, it doesn't mean that I won't be here for you if you need me. I'll always come if you need me."

She ducked her head and glanced nervously back up at him as a beautiful smile spread across her face. "I know, - partner."

They finished their lunch in comfortable silence and after the dishes were cleared away Rick sat down on the leather couch. Kate purposefully crowded him, invading his personal space, needing him close to reassure herself that he was actually here with her and willing to forgive her for her thoughtless actions yesterday.

His breathing quickened and his heart practically beat out of his chest as she settled in next to him; her enticing body only inches away from his own. He revelled in the fruity scent of her perfume. He would never tire of her unique, womanly scent. His pants suddenly seemed too tight.

To try and distract himself from her beauty and his traitorous body, Rick brought up the reason he stopped by her place.

"Beckett, I stopped by because Ryan needs our help to find Mr. Smith."

Her eyes clouded over with worry. "I already told you that I turned in my badge, Castle. This was supposed to be over," she said apprehensively. "I can't go back again. Not now."

"Well now we don't have a choice. If Maddox gets to him before we do -"

Kate interrupted him, shaking her head. "But I don't know how to do this... I'm not even a cop anymore."

He reached out to her but stopped himself before grabbing her hand. "I tell you exactly what we do. We figure out who this is." He held the photo out to her of Mr. Smith. "We've done it before and with less to go on… And when we do?" He gently smiled. "We lay all of this to rest, Beckett, and go back to where we were… This is what you're **great** at and now I'm not so bad myself."

"Go back to where we were, Castle?" she asked incredulously, with a painful edge in her voice. "Go back to just being friends? - Back to partners who flirt, banter and continually deny that there's anything happening between us?" Her eyes flashed hotly and she sidled closer to him, placing her palm on his thigh.

Rick's breath hitched as her fingers molded over the large muscle and then slowly, dangerously, roved upwards.

"Castle," she simpered, "I don't want to go back to where we were. .. I want, I want –" She bit her lower lip seductively and purposefully scanned his body, … starting at his striking blue eyes, down to his square jaw, his lean neck covered in new stubble, the breadth of his shoulders, his wide chest, his tapered waist and down, _down_ to his muscular hips. Her eyes noticeably darkened with lust.

_Fuck_, was Castle's last thought as she whispered huskily, "Please let me show you what I want."

Before he could even inhale, Kate had whipped one gorgeous, leg over his lap and straddled him intimately… Her hands splayed roughly in his hair and then her lips forcefully crushed his.

Her mouth twisted, turned, tasted, tested… With a groan, Rick felt her tongue touch his, a velvet stroke that reverberated through his body in heavy waves. He couldn't think clearly as her long, pink tongue stroked boldly into his over and over again. It swirled around his mouth in perfect harmony. Her taste intoxicated. He felt light-headed as every ounce of blood left his brain and went pounding down to his manhood.

_God_, Kate was kissing him… No, more accurately, … Kate was attacking him.

She pressed herself as close as she could get to his broad chest. He felt the rise and fall of her breath, a fast counter rhythm to his own. While Kate's mouth continued to devour him, her hand rose up to trace from his jaw to his neck to just above his chest, fiddling with the buttons on his shirt.

Need for her spiraled through him in torrid currents.

Rick had wanted her from the moment she had flashed her badge in the bar at his book launch party. He had wanted Kate Beckett from the moment he had seen her: A striking, cunning cop who commanded respect; who had a smile that could light up even the stormiest of nights. Short, auburn, feminine hair and intriguing, insightful eyes highlighted her smoking hot assets. It had been a covetous wanting, based on instinct. Rick Castle saw a sexy, career-driven woman and naturally wanted her.

Now… now he knew Katherine Beckett, the whole woman. The cutting edge of her mind, the forged steel of her strength, her clever wit, flirty repertoire, her empathetic heart… And it stoked the fire of his desire to a burning point he'd never felt before with another woman.

Their lips continued as one. Mouths opened. Tongues stroked against each other. Her lips were hot silk beneath his, thin and warm. Within, she tasted spicy and lush. She was sweet nectar to his dehydrated veins. His head spun, and he let himself spin with it.

A tantalizing moan left her sultry lips and brought Castle out of his sexual haze. He drew back from her and gasped, "Kate."

His hands landed on her firm derriere and swept over the taut cheeks. He settled her directly over his bulging erection, tormenting them both to the brink.

"Don't stop, Castle. Don't stop." Her voice mottled with desire pleaded with him. Her eyes were heavy lidded; her mouth swollen.

His hands stilled.

In all the years he'd fantasized about Kate Beckett, the reality of her long, lean legs straddling him and her perky breasts pressed against his chest, far surpassed even his wildest dreams. He knew that if they made love, she'd forever be in his blood, marked as his own, and he'd never be able to let her go… She would spoil him for any other woman. Kate Beckett was the only woman he ever wanted to be with again and his heart wouldn't survive it if she let him go.

And even though it was the most difficult thing in the world to halt her caresses, he had to make sure that she understood his feelings before it progressed any further.

He buried his face in the slope of her neck. "Before we continue, I need to ask you something."

"Hmm?" and she placed a tender kiss on his scalp.

"You're on board with this right?"

The insecurity in his voice dealt an unexpected blow to Kate. God, how she hated that he was always so unsure of her feelings, and she knew his insecurity was completely justified. It was completely her fault that he felt this way. She intended to rectify that immediately. She grabbed both his cheeks and lifted his face to hers while he continued...

"It's not some, Oh I quit my job, I almost died, and I'm in crisis thing?"

"No, Castle. It's not at all like that." Her hand tenderly smoothed away the wrinkles on his forehead. "This is," she nibbled on her lower lip before releasing a gush of warm air against his lips, "**real** for me."

His smile sent shivers of anticipation tingling down her spine.

"I need you to understand, Kate," his large hands started caressing up and down her back, "that this isn't just a fling for me."

Their foreheads rubbed together as Kate nodded in understanding.

"I need you to promise me something," he whispered, and Kate held her breath as she waited for him to continue.

"Promise me," and his eyes seared into hers, "that you're as committed to this as I am." His hand came up to the nape of her neck and began teasing the soft tresses there.

As she looked into his mesmerizing blue orbs, full of longing, … full of the promise of a happy, fulfilled future for them, Kate realized the magnitude of Rick's request.

She took his hand and brought the back of it up to her lips. She kissed one knuckle suggestively, never breaking eye contact.

"Yes, Richard Castle." She kissed the next knuckle in line. "Famous mystery writer." Her lips tickled the next knuckle. "Author extraordinaire." Her mouth placed an open-mouth kiss to the final one. "And ruggedly-handsome partner."

She entwined their fingers together before bringing his hand up to her lips and sucking his index finger into her mouth… She looked at him with desire spewing from her eyes while she swirled her tongue lasciviously around his finger. She then bit down on it aggressively, eliciting a sexy groan from Castle which reverberated throughout her entire body.

She growled in the back of her throat, "Yes, I'm committed to us," and her hands greedily started tearing at his shirt buttons. "Hold on, Writer-boy, because I'm going to show you just how much."

XXXXX

And by the time Kate Beckett was through with him, Rick Castle had absolutely **no more doubts** about them.


End file.
